Wherever you go, there you are

So I really wanted to describe the fruit and post it since my last draft sat as a draft for nearly one month. Now I would like to describe a bit of the more personal aspects of our life here in Italy. I have been teaching for over a month now and it has been a bit of a roller coaster. I teach a combined class of second and third graders with two to three very disruptive kids (there is always at least one) and then 8 hours a week, I teach a great group of fourth and fifth graders. My biggest struggle with the younger ones has been classroom management since I regularly have the kids who stand on their desk, kick their twin sister, and run out of class or even attempt to run home. I have been told that this is a chronic problem. Everytime things have gotten totally chaotic to the point where I need someone from the main office to take one of the disruptive kids, mysteriously there is no one there and I am trying to be in two places at once - in the classroom which is getting progressively more chaotic or outside where the child is hiding under a table refusing to come out (or worse trying to leave the school). So to make a long story short, I have tried several approaches and I am now making progress handing out stars for good behavior which can be used to get candy (my mom's brilliant idea). Hmmmmm....... not exactly how I imagined spending my days in Italy but at least I can say that I am teaching them rather than being a referee. They are also very sweet and affectionate and hug me regularly. Even with the candy, things can get out of hand in a matter of minutes so it keeps me on my toes. I long for relaxing and rewarding time spent giving Shiatsus and I have found someone who would like me to work for her one half day a week. I am hoping that this may work out but this depends on how things go with Matteo.

As I wrote in an earlier blog, he started daycare at the school where I work, but after two weeks, it became clear that he was becoming more and more anxious with the situation. We discovered that he was with a large group of kids ranging from 2-6 years old and there were often not enough teachers for the 25 children. We found an amazing daycare where he is only with one and two year olds and he has the most wonderful teachers. They do alot of art, music and even work with an herb garden! He completed two weeks of the orientation and stayed two hours without Luciana and did not cry! But alas, he is home with a fever this week. Luciana has missed over a month of work since I began working because she is helping Matteo transition into daycare. Hopefully he will be ready after the next two weeks to stay an entire day by himself. I don't know if they do this slow of a transition in America but it is quite common here that you gradually move them from being home into daycare. I have Thursdays off so right now I spend it with Matteo. I miss him alot so I am grateful to have an extra day during the week to be with him but eventually he will go to daycare also on Thursday and I will have it free for doing Shiatsu and also for a little time to myself.

I am craving to take a yoga class and also to learn how to do mosaics. I have not met anyone with whom I really connect with or have more than very light conversations with and this is a source of sadness for me. It is the first time in my life where I really do not have friends near to me. I am grateful for the closeness I have with Giovanni and of course Matteo and Luciana and Gianny but I long to have another person outside of my family with whom I could confide or laugh with. It makes me really see how blessed I am to have the amazing friendships and family relationships I have back home. Sometimes, I feel OK not having friends here but that is usually after I have connected with one of you. So it is clear that it would benefit me greatly to email or call you all more often. I am also aware of the old habits and patterns of mine which would benefit me greatly to shift out of. One of those is some kind of barrier to pursuing the activities that bring me great joy such as yoga or art or exploring. Across so many different circumstances, I see how I have found excuses such as not enough time or other people's needs to explain why I am not doing the things I really deeply desire to do. Now stripped of my usual comforts and distractions, this has become much more obvious mainly because my overall well-being requires that I do something to center and nourish myself. Living with Giovanni's parents is a big gift, they are giving us so much and yet I find it to be one of the most difficult aspects of living here. I think because we are receiving so much and I have a hard time with that especially if I sense any resentment or judgement. There is still so much I do not understand in the language and even the way people express themselves here triggers me because to me I read it as anger. Giovanni told me that I really need to see a venetian comedy where everyone is yelling and complaining to each other to understand how to read the situation. I guess I never really identified with Minnesota nice but maybe it could be material for a play - minnesota nice meets venetian ranting and raving! There is actually a specific tone to Luciana's voice which makes me sit up in bed and strain my ears to hear whether she is complaining about me. Call it codependent paranoia or call it cultural misperceptions, but it seems to happen the most right around my period and then we have a very predictable encounter where we have to clear up the issue. Last period it was around placemats on the table for breakfast. She made a comment that it is very poor manners to not put a place mat down when you eat your breakfast. I was offended and I challenged her that this is a cultural perspective and that not everyone would agree and in fact, I didn't. In the end, we resolved everything and ironically later that day while shopping, I found (without looking for one) a placemat with little colored fish on it for Matteo. We both laughed and to this day, I use the placemats for breakfast even though I still don't think it is necessarily a superior practice. Other than this dynamic which I imagine stems mostly from me and maybe partly from Luciana doing too much for everyone else (but she gets to have her resentment right?), we get along really well. I still long for our own place but I know that I will miss the amazing meals she cooks for us, the cleaning she does and all the laundry she washes and irons. And of course, just having the chance to spend so many nice moments together cooking, or sipping expresso by the fire. Matteo adores her and he is usually quite content to stay with her when I leave in the morning. She sings to him, involves him in the cooking and plays all his favorite games. I can say that I do not worry at all when I go to work. We have all been sick for nearly a month with various manifestations of cold, cough, sore throat, ear infections, stomach issues etc. We are all hoping for a healthier November.

Giovanni is doing fantastic. He really likes his job and they already have entrusted him to go to Russia for a couple weeks to set up and work on some big machines. He is excited because they do not usually ask someone to go abroad until after one year of working for them and he will receive alot of extra money for being abroad. He is in the middle of the firefighting course and he has to wear a firefighting uniform to class which both he and Matteo enjoy immensely. Also his father bought him a wood lathe so he is now able to pursue his passion for wood turning.

Matteo is now speaking alot of Italian and still a good amount of english. He has even learned a bit of Venetian dialect. He loves to talk to strangers and regularly visits the neighbors for some good conversation and maybe a piece of fruit from their trees. I am hoping that he will soon be back to his full health.

We have exciting news. We bought tickets and are coming home on the 26th of December. We will be in Minnesota until January 7th. I am really excited to see everyone and have a dose of home. My aunt Joann and uncle Jeff just came and visited us for a couple days last week. They are travelling through Italy alone and with their gourmet cooking club. We really enjoyed having them here and sharing a bit of our life with them. Joann is a Parent and Child Educator and she gave me some very helpful tips for working with Matteo's growing temper tantrums and strong will. I have yet to discover an early child and family education class here in Italy so it was amazing to have personalized support around setting limits.

We are about to eat a fresh fish chowder and drink some wine. Ahhh the Italian life.... No it is true that there are many beautiful reasons to love Italy. Somedays, I really breathe in Italy and see the poignant beauty of the winding Roman streets and charming towns framed by fields. I pause and listen to the church bells and smile at the locals chatting outside of the Panificio or local cafe. Other days, I am drowning in my own struggles and long for some mother figure to recognize my suffering and give me a long knowing hug. These days, I listen to my ipod as I drive to work and let the music lift my perspective. I reassure myself that this moment too will pass and another one more, sweet and lovely will come. And it always does eventually.... In this way, I am growing up. I still have my tantrums in my head where I imagine insisting on returning home but I also really recognise the truth in the book title WHEREVER YOU GO, THERE YOU ARE (I think it is by John Kabbat Zinn). So I have the wonderful opportunity to really see which inner work I need to do and also I have the chance to really enjoy living in Italy.
Here when I am alone with my thoughts and struggles, I have had dark moments where I ask myself if there is something wrong with me since I am suffering in a situation that should be delightful and amazing.... I would like to send all the love and compassion that I have needed in those moments to all of you so that it is there awaiting you when you are sad or lonely or confused (or in whichever way you suffer). Here is a loving kindness blessing that we can say for ourselves and others.

May you be happy
May you be peaceful and at ease
May you accept yourself just as you are
May you be free to live and love fully.

This is my wish for all of us.

La Fruta!

The leaves are changing into brilliant shades of red and orange and finally the pomegranites are here! Our neighbor Hectore across the street has a tree that is bursting with fusia and you can buy them in all the local markets. Pomegranite is one of my favorite fruits as it reminds me of greek mythology and many special Winter Solstice rituals where we invite in our best intentions while eating pomegranite seeds. I definitely feel much more connected to fruit as a marker of seasonal time passing. Every two to three weeks, at least one new fruit appears on the trees and in the market stands. When we first arrived in July, we harvested wild blueberries and raspberries in the mountains and strawberries all over the yard. In August we discovered blackberries growing along a small winding street where we usually bike. Giovanni is passionate for fresh figs and we spent many August evenings biking with Matteo searching for fig trees where we might grab a couple. Giovanni warned that occasionally there are old men who sit with salt guns waiting to spray salt at you for stealing their fruit. This added a delightful element of danger but I never had the opportunity to dodge any salt! Septemeber means grape harvesting in Italy. We are fortunate to have abundant vines of concord style grapes growing high along the trelice above the garden. Once Matteo discovered the 'uva', he was constantly trying to move the ladder so that he could reach them. I was hoping to go to a local vineyard and do some grape stomping and wine tasting but the man at the local cantina informed us that the goverment prohibits the public from participating in the grape stomping since they cannot discern from the satelite pictures who is a person trying it out and who is an illegal worker. This sounded ridiculous to me but it is just another example of cultural differences in bureacracy. Either way, we have been drinking lots of fresh local wine from only 15 km away. Just last weekend, we ate the last bunch of grapes growing in our yard. And now, I must hurry and eat as many pomegranites as possible! More later....