It has been too long since I have written. We are now deep into the season of artichokes and raddicio. Alas, raddico from Treviso (the famous labor intensive and delicious variety) is no longer available. But we have Italian clementines!!! This blog is now part of what I think of as Italy Phase II. Returning to Italy after savoring a bit of home in Minnesota. I realized when I got home (to MN)that I had been starving on some level for the nourishment of friends and family and the general familiarity of being in my own language and culture. It was like being in comforable pajamas curled up in front of a fire with loved ones and hot chocolate. I can't express how much I received and how much stronger and more positive I feel now. I can say that October was probably the height of my challenge adjusting here in Italy. But light emerges from the dark and I definitely benefited from hitting a low and getting clear about what I really want from life. So........since I last wrote, I put in my two month notice at my job (which makes yesterday my official last day), decided that I really do know what I want to do as a vocation, and began the process of applying to graduate schools! I found a graduate institute with a Somatic Psychology program in California that has a distance program. Basically this would allow me to study here in Italy and attend the week long courses once per semester in San Francisco. My goal is to combine Shiatsu and healing work with Therapy and also work to create more research that examines the effectiveness of approaching healing through the mind body and spirit. If I am accepted, I would begin studying in September. It feels like all of these seemingly random roads that I have been travelling down are finally converging beneath my feet.
My very dear friend Dian, who has been a mentor and an amazing source of inspiration for me, died on the Winter Solstice. She lived with the intention of healing her ovarian cancer for the past five years. She was extremely couragious and tried to find a balance of following many aggressive chemotherapies as well as complimentary therapies like acupuncture, nutrition, and qigong. She lived way beyond what she was told and she lived with presence and positivity. She practiced being present and grateful for all of the beauty still in her life, the trees, the sky, her dogs, the excitement of Obama's election, the presence of her loved ones, the blessing of a good laugh, the silence in the night sky......and the many other things she revered that I have not mentioned. She also stayed present for the pain, the extreme hunger when one cannot eat, the fatigue and weakness and the frustration this causes. Someone wisely told me that she healed completely even if her body never recovered. She took the higher road and did her work spiritually to be awake even in the most unbearable of circumstances. One month before her death, she called me several times in Italy because she could hear from my voicemail that I was struggling. Again, she was so present. And like always, she offered me the deep listening and the loving challenges that only a true friend can offer. I have since learned from her family that she suffered a lot during her final two months. I realize even more now how loving she was to find the energy to put aside her own suffering and reach out to me at a time when it was difficult for her to walk across the room. I am so grateful that I was able to come home and be a part of her memorial service in MN. Once in awhile, I have an incredible wave of grief that comes over me. I miss her presence in my life. Yet there are days like yesterday, when the sky opens and suddenly it becomes possible to create a Shiatsu studio here in the house. I cannot help but wonder if she is helping to orchestrate some things for me from the other side. I acknowledge the mystery, the fact that we can only imagine where she is now and where we go when we die. What I do know for sure is that she has moved mountains in my heart and from here, her power and love still works its magic. I also know that if our loved ones can give alittle guidance from beyond, all of her family and friends and dogs can relax knowing they have a powerful ally working for their benefit.
Life goes on as it always does. I am trying to honor Dian by living my life with more presence and more gratitude. I am also writing more because this is something she has been riding me to do for the past few years. I secretly want to anyway, I just have to push past my habitual excuses.... And then there is Shiatsu which I really want to begin doing here. Dian was my Shiatsu mentor.....Today I spoke with an Italian woman who does Energetic Massage and lives 40 minutes away. I will take the train to try one of her massages in a couple of weeks and maybe I will study with her. This feels like an important connection that occurred after flipping through the yellow pages checking out the Shiatsu scene.
I am also in the process of studying and becoming certified to teach english. On Monday, I start my new job teaching english to adults at the Wall Street School in Mestre. It is very organized and corporate and sincerely, I can't wait to have a bit more structure and support in a job. I will only teach 16 hours and I hope to fill the rest with private lessons and Shiatsu. Things feel completely different now. Everything seems brighter, more possible, even living with my in- laws. This is the nature of how our ourlook (and reaction to our circumstances) affect our reality. There is no solid reality. We definitely affect what is possible. What have I learned from all of this? (1) Ask for help, don't try to survive when you are in over your head. (2) Take a risk if you know that your well-being depends on it - solutions will arrive once you take the leap of faith. (3) Be really honest with yourself, if you have a negative attitude even if it seems justified, push yourself to stretch more (like giving birth ladies) and find a way to act positive (even if it feels fake at first), (4) Remind yourself often, that this too will pass. (5) Make sure you nourish yourself with quality time with loved ones or solitude or whatever recharges you. (6) Practice random acts of Gratitude (kindness will follow).
I feel so grateful to have an amazing husband and a delightful son. I am also grateful to have such nurturing in laws (who are probably more patient and tolerant than I will ever know). I am thankful for having a fantastic family - incredibly large and truly unique - (including lots of special aunts, uncles and cousins). And also I feel so grateful for my dear friends, who are my spiritual family and have stuck with me through thick and thin.
Sending lots of love to all of you. Wishing you to realize the secret joy and passion in your heart!
Diane (Dy)
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